(more satire) New blank crap tables drive revenue increases on the strip

[StatFreak]

New blank crap tables drive revenue increases on the strip

 
LAS VEGAS - The latest trend in gaming has been to promise customers
a first class losing experience, and it has paid off handsomely
in recent months. 

The first to offer this new form of gaming was the Bellagio with
their guaranteed loss slot machines. They have done so well that
CET is entering the arena with their newest edition of this
phenomenon: a blank craps table where customers can simply dump
their chips on the table and walk away. The table was installed
at Caesar’s last Tuesday and customers have been flocking to it
from the moment it went live.

Sources report that the craps table has become the new wishing
well of the 21st century. Players toss their chips into the
"lake" – as it has come to be known – on their way to the buffet
or to their cars to save time and avoid the long lines at the
cashier cages, who now do nothing but cash checks and make
change 24/7.

"Right now, our cages will still break bills, but we're phasing
that out in November to concentrate entirely on cashing checks," 
says casino executive Jeff Nottingham. “There is simply no demand
for change anymore. Customers come here to lose all their money 
and there’s no reason for them to waste time losing small amounts
when they can buy in and lose much faster with larger bills.” 

For now, customers still receive cash for their checks, which they
then take to the tables to exchange for chips. “Our customers have
indicated a strong preference for receiving casino chips directly
from our cage without having bother with cash at all,” Jeff says, 
We’re working closely with the gaming commission to make that
happen.”

With so many chips piled on the table, this reporter wondered if
theft were a serious concern. "We've had some incidents of patrons
grabbing  handfuls of chips from the often two-foot deep pile and
taking off," Jeff told us, "but we're not too concerned, as there
is no longer any way to redeem them for cash. Once purchased, 
they're essentially worthless."

CET plans to add four additional tables later this month, and this
new trend is expected to grow over the next several years,with
most of the strip casinos coming on board by the end of 2015 and
the downtown area to follow. Hotel resort fees have increased
as well, because the new casino policies have attracted so many
customers that the properties are turning away guests. 

source: Stat press.

[RecVPPlayer]

I see in the not too distant future a new advertising campaign:

Have a nice vacation without leaving the comforts of home by just mailing in a Check to the casino.  That would save you all the hassle of working on making travel arrangements, packing, traveling, getting around in the vacation town, paying other outrageous add on fees, and standing in lines!

RecVPPlayer

[uknowme]

I will follow you From what I have before I do.

Can you elaborate on that?

[knagl]

Nope, they can't.